1. Colonel Sanders, whose clone I would hire not as my chef but as a guy to sit on my front porch, shouting chicken recipes and shaking his cane at passers-by.
2. Paul Newman, whose clone I would hire to follow me around everywhere, each day dressing in a different costume based on his Newman's Own products.
3. Buckminster Fuller, whose clone I would hire to say the phrase "bucky balls" whenever I press a button on my Bucky Remote®. In theory, this will help accelerate my new plan to phase out the word "shenanigans." In the future, when you hear a load of crap, you'll say "I call bucky balls on that one."