I got mail!

Anniversary! Pics in sidebar (<---)!

For our fifth anniversary, Netty are in Kansas City for the weekend. The hotel we're staying at is about two blocks from Country Club Plaza, which is a really cool shopping area that's modeled after a Spanish town. We took the hotel shuttle down there yesterday (not knowing how incredibly close the Plaza actually is), and asked the driver to recommend an Italian place. I can't even tell you how very not Italian that place was. I mean, they had some pasta, but it was mostly just normal food, and a bit expensive at that. Luckily, we'd asked for a table outside, so we made an easy getaway after we were disappointed with the menu. After some wandering/map checking, we found Figlio's, which had very good spinach manicotti and their breadsticks changed my life.

Next, we came back to the hotel for the car and drove about 30 minutes to the IMAX theater to see Harry Potter again. It was a great movie the first time around, and we were curious to see what the big wizard's duel at the end would look like in 3D. Overall, it was pretty cool. Some of the closeups were blurry, which was distracting, but the wide shots looked amazing. When it worked well, it really got at that "immersive" feel they're going for. I'm really looking forward to Beowulf now.

Today we're going to go explore the Plaza properly. There are quite a few cool stores down there. There are plenty of pics of yesterday in my sidebar (to the left now, in case you somehow missed the change), and I'll continue posting pics today, too.

And we're off!

Who/what are they?

If you've been keeping up with the Internets and/or movie news, you've no doubt been wondering who, exactly, the Fredericks are. Well, the mystery deepens. There's finally a trailer up, but it doesn't really tell us very much. Judging from the front page, and from the very end of the trailer, I'd guess that Fredericks are some kind of fruit, but the rest of the trailer kinda throws that into question. Maybe the fruit's just a metaphor for something. All I know is that this thing has me pretty excited, which is saying something, considering how little is actually known about this project/film/whatever-it-is. I'll be keeping an eye on it.

Game Nut

I don't have much to say here, but I just wanted to plug Game Nut for anyone in or around Lawrence, KS who's a gamer--especially a PC gamer. I thought the days of buying used PC games were more or less over. Game Guy stopped selling them long ago, and they're becoming more and more rare in the EB/Game Stop realm, as well. But Game Nut...oh, Game Nut. There are stacks and stacks of PC games there, along with a very respectable selection of console games, and some DVDs to boot.

It's a great store and I highly recommend it. Oh, and they're thinking of opening a store here in Manhattan. Maybe I should get on that...

Setting up camp for Cuatro de Julio

Oh, giant robots from space, how I love thee.

Ok, so Transformers rocked. It was two and a half hours of smashy fun, and I'll tell you why.

We'll start with the most important reason: Optimus F'n Prime. The purists--"wankers," if you will--have been all up in arms about Optimus for months now, worried that Michael Bay would ruin their favorite freedom-loving philosopher/warrior robot, and generally getting pissed off that he doesn't look exactly like he did in the cartoon (a look which someone out there in internet land has described as "a stack of dishwashers."). Well, despite the whole "Flames on Optimus! OMFG!" to-do, I think Bay and company did right by the Big Rig. He's still the same guy as he was before--well, not "guy," but you know--but maybe just a bit cooler. And he has a sense of humor now. One of the funniest lines in the movie is his "What's with you?" during a scene where Ironhide is getting overly anxious to shoot stuff. Ok, it doesn't sound that funny now, but in context, it's hilarious. This movie actually got quite a few laughs from the audience, and from me, and they weren't the forced laughs that Pirates 3 got. Oh, and one more thing on Optimus--they got the original voice, Peter Cullen. I'm not a raging Transformers lunatic (usually), but even I was excited to hear that voice.

The acting here was actually better than I expected, at least on the part of Shia LaBeouf. That kid's going places. No more Disney channel crap for him--now it's freaking Transformers and Indy 4. He's got a kind of earnestness about him that makes you believe he's really carrying on a conversation with giant robots from space. Everyone else gave adequate performances, with the notable exception of John Turturro, who apparently wasn't told which movie he was being hired for. He acted like he was on a Mexican kids TV show, and I'm not even exaggerating. He could have been wearing the frickin' Mexican bee outfit from the Simpsons the entire time, and it wouldn't have been any worse. Luckily, the acting overall was merely a bruise on the movie, not a mortal wound.

The story, as expected, is largely irrelevant. It's not bad, but its main function is clearly as an excuse for cool cars and military vehicles to transform into giant robots that smash the hell out of each other. And holy crap does it look cool when they transform. Sometimes they'll switch back and forth four or five times in a matter of a few seconds. I could watch that all day and not get bored. If that makes me shallow, then so be it--at least I'm wading in Awesome.

So, why, with mostly crap acting and a story that's just ok, did I enjoy the experience so much? Well, first of all, in case you missed it: robots. That's the last time I'm going to say it. But second, and perhaps more importantly, the movie does exactly what it sets out to do: be a lot of fun. I am highly recommending this as a summer movie, and it'll definitely be at the top of my DVD wish list next year.

My rating: 9.2/10
IMDb rating: 8.3/10

Smashy smashy.

We just saw Transformers, and while I don't feel like writing a full review right now, suffice it to say that I was far from disappointed. It was a lot of fun.

It doesn't matter how old this guy gets...

...he is freaking Indiana Jones.

I am seriously geeking out over this.

Mediocrity...with guns.

I finally Netflixed Smokin' Aces last week, and figured I'd give it a quick review. This is one that I was looking forward to well before it came out, but I somehow never made it to the theater to see it. And it's probably just as well that I didn't.

This movie tries to be eight different kinds of cool, but only achieves moderate success on a few. Coming in to the experience, I was hoping it would be something akin to early Guy Ritchie, and at times, it was just that--a crazy cast of characters all with their own nefarious motives, tied up in a complex plot, and intersecting with each other in a ridiculous blaze of gunfire and yelling and kersplosions. The characters were definitely there--I especially loved the redneck neo-Nazis and Jeremy Piven was great as the magician/wannabe crime boss.

But when I got to the "twist" at the end, my reaction was just, "Oh," when I was really hoping it would be something like, "Holy freakin' crap, that changes everything and now I have to watch the whole thing again!" And really, that's how the whole movie went. Great characters, but none of them gets enough screen time because they're competing with crap like those pointless Ben Affleck and Jason Bateman cameos. A plot that's complex, but not terribly interesting until the end. And a style that's adequate for this kind of film, but doesn't really push any limits or do anything new. So, while I don't feel like it was a waste of my already-paid Netflix bill for the month, I probably would have felt a little cheated if I had shelled out theater money for it.

My rating: 6.2/10
IMDb rating: 6.7/10

The most I'd pay for this movie on DVD: $6

Next up on the Netflix queue: Lord of War.

A token game at Daylight Donuts.

Except those aren't tokens. They're quarters. And there's a wad of cash in there, too. That's called gambling, Donut Man. And i'm pretty sure it's not legal... It would suck, but i'd still laugh if they got shut down for a gambling violation.

Touchdown.

That's right. We came back for more early a.m. donuts.

Vampires!

I've decided to watch all of my vampire movies this summer while I'm working on the vampire hunter costume, and I started with one I picked up a few weeks ago, aptly titled Vampires (technically, John Carpenter's Vampires).  It's ok, but it's certainly no Escape from New York.  

I could tell you the whole story without giving anything away, because it's exactly what you'd expect: a guy (Crow) hunts vampires with the sanction and support of the Catholic church, people die gory deaths, the master vampire must be stopped, et cetera, et cetera.   Other than James Woods' decent performance in the lead role, the acting sucked pretty hard, as you might imagine in a film that also stars Daniel "I Have a Couple of Brothers Who Are Ok Actors So Somebody Please Give Me Work" Baldwin.

So why don't I hate this movie completely?  Well, first of all, since I'm working on my costume anyway, it doesn't have to be great.  It just has to make good vampirey background noise.  And second, any movie that's set on the fringes of a global Catholic conspiracy (here, hiding vampires from the world) is enough to get me interested.  It's the same reason I dig Van Helsing when so many others hate it with the fiery passion of a thousand burning Stephen Sommerses.

Well, I need a score if I'm going to finish out this review, and here it is.

My rating: 5.8/10
IMDb rating:5.6/10

P.S.  The rest of my vampire list: Van Helsing, Underworld 1&2,the Blade Trilogy, Interview with the Vampire, and maybe Night Watch.  It's not a huge list, just all the movies we have that happen to have vampires in them.  I'm sure there are some essential ones I'm missing.  If you have any suggestions, let me know.

I believe.

Ok, so I have a working theory that Peter Jackson takes on the appearance of the characters/actors in whatever movie he's currently working on. Hear me out.

Start with Lord of the Rings. Jackson worked on those movies for like 10 years, and what did he get (besides ungodly amounts of money and respect)? A distinctly hobbit-like appearance: plump, furry, and unshod.



Coincidence? Maybe. But did you notice how his appearance started to change as the LOTR hoopla started dying down and he began work on King Kong? He became, if I may, more Brody-esque in coutenance: thinner, sporting more closely trimmed facial hair, shod (though you can't tell it here), and noticibly less-bespectacled.





I see some of you nodding your heads. I propose to you, then, that if this trend continues (and if the rumors are true), Peter Jackson will begin to look like this when he starts his next movie:




Let's hope/pray that I'm right.

Cap'n Stubby

Patch and Crow's Nest got a spiffy new sign.

My hillbilly wife

I just had my el mind blown. o.

I just heard Rodrigo y Gabriela on some music channel or other, and immediately downloaded their album from iTunes. It's really good stuff. Here's a taste.

I'm easily amused

My phone + a monkey = Fall Out Boy's video for "Thnks fr th Mmrs"

Sweet.

Frickin' Lasers

I'm generally a big fan of paleo-futures--basically yesterday's visions of tomorrow (think The Jetsons). But I'm an even bigger fan of what might be termed "meta-paleo-futures" which, I suppose, are today's visions of yesterday's visions of tomorrow (that phrase alone is enough to get me excited). The best example is probably the movie Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, an homage to old matinee serials and comic books and such--all the stuff that was geek before geek even existed. It's a movie that knows its ray guns and giant robots are ridiculous, but it revels in the ridiculosity, as do I.

Nobody's using the term meta-paleo-future that I know of, since, as far as I know, I just made it up, but you might have heard of "steampunk," which I'd consider to be an MPF subset (look, I already have a 3-letter abbreviation for my own silly term!). Steampunk is a type of science fiction, set in a time when everything ran on steam power. If you can summon an image in your mind of a Victorian-era steam-powered rocketship or a clockwork robot (of doom, preferably), you'll have a basic understanding of steampunk.

Now that you have a bit of context, I give you: two cool MPF videos! The first could be called steampunk, and the second is something I came across while I was doing reasearch for my 1950's Literature & Culture class.


Weta Rayguns!




Brotronic Rayguns!



Click for a nice list of steampunk links!

1 a.m. Donuts!

Midnight bike ride!

Check one off the list

We just saw Ocean's 13, so I thought I'd review it before I forget. It was an entertaining movie, and even though it's a sequel, I think it could stand on its own for those who didn't see 11 or 12. A lot of people complain that the "Ocean's" movies are just becoming the "cool actors club," and they're right. But I think it's a good thing. These guys clearly enjoy working together, and lot of the acting in these movies doesn't feel like acting at all.

That said, if you didn't enjoy the first two, you probably won't like this one--it's the same actors in another storyline that involves a heist. And, I have to admit, the "how are we going to get past this security system?" bit is getting a bit stale, but it's by no means enough to ruin the movie. I found it to be, if not an amazing two hours, at least a very amusing two hours, and that's all I ask for my $7.50.

My rating: 8/10
IMDb rating: 7.3/10

My piratey wife.

The Uber-Fan Film: "Star Trek: Of Gods and Men"

Is it really just a fan film if you can get a dozen "real" actors from all five Star Trek shows to act in it (and one to direct)? Well, after watching the trailer, the answer is: yes, this is still, without a doubt, a fan film. But it looks like a pretty decent one.



Online Videos by Veoh.com

(Star Trek: Of Gods and Men)

Fallout 3 trailer

Ok, so it finally came out, and while it was just a teaser and didn't show any actual gameplay, it did get me that much more excited for the game, which is due out in Fall 2008--a long time to wait. If you're a fan, you should definitely check it out. I'm still somewhat concerned, as many are, that the gameplay will be "Oblivion with guns" (which wouldn't be that bad, but this game deserves more), but the trailer assured me that they're at least getting the feel right. The archaic radio, the music, the setting, the bottle of Rotgut, the Brother of Steel at the end--everything felt Fallout-y. But Bethesda's best move by far with this trailer was to include a new recording of the now-iconic line, "War...war never changes," delivered by Ron Perlman. I guarantee that elicited a few cheers out there in Fan Land. It got a smile from me.

Summer Movies

In case you were wondering, here's the list of movies I plan to see this summer ("summer" meaning from now through August):

Ocean's 13 - June 8 [Update: saw it, reviewed it]

1408 - June 22

Transformers - July 6

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - July 11

Sunshine (not 100% sure about this one)- July 20

Stardust - August 10


That's actually quite a few movies--a good summer's worth, for once. If something's missing that belongs on this list, convince me it's worth my time/money and I'll buy your ticket.

I updated The + List.

That is all.

My post-apocalyptic senses are tingling!

Only two more days til the teaser for Fallout 3!

If that doesn't thrill you the same way it does me, then: 1) You never played Fallout 1 or 2;
or 2) you didn't read that right the first time, so here it is again: Only two more days til the teaser for Fallout 3!

Rocking out...

...in a supremely wedding fashion.

Mission accomplished

I have now blogged from a wedding.

Pre-wedding Warm-up

Look at them. They're pumped.

Gun. Law. Justice.

Finally, a movie poster that sums up the Chris Experience.

The Gay Cowboy Inn... or Comfort Inn

This hotel is ridiculous. There's stuff like this everywhere.

It's a Mario Party!

Of the 8 variety.

Laser tag!

We just played 3 games here. I am tired.

The future is now-ish.

Air travel is about to become ridiculously practical thanks to Skybus, a new airline that's running on a self-serve model. You book your flight online, check in at the automated Skybus kiosk at the airport, and go. Not only does this cut out the hassle of flying, but it significantly lowers the cost as well. Flights start from just $10 one way. Ten freaking dollars. They also help keep costs down by only flying into smaller, less busy airports. After a few minutes of playing on their website, it looks like the further in advance you book your flight, the closer you get to that $10 mark. If you want anything extra (checking your bags, getting a meal on the plane, etc.), you can add it, but you don't pay for anything you don't need. Spiffy, yeah?

It's not perfect yet. The company is based out of Columbus, OH, so the only flights available go to Columbus, so if you want to go to any of their other destination cities, you have to go through Columbus. And right now, there are only 9 other cities, but that list is expanding, and once they get bigger, they should start offering non-Columbus flights (word from the Colorado rumor mill is that a Denver-area Skybus system is in the works). Also, you usually don't get a choice of what time of day your flights leaves, which might be a problem if you're on a business trip, or somesuch, where you're on a tight schedule. For the casual traveler like me, though, this could easily become the best way to avoid ungodly gas prices. If they just added Denver and Fort Worth, I'd be set.
Just for fun, we checked on a flight from K.C. to (you guessed it) Columbus. For two people to fly out on August 21st and come back a week later would cost a grand total of...(drum roll, please)...$81.60! Heck, that's cheap enough to fly to Columbus just to see what it's like there.

What-ball? Base-what? What-what?

Me. At a baseball game. It boggles the mind.

A new (to me) Root Beer

Mmm...Eastern Promise...

A few sequel tips

Based on my viewing of 28 Weeks Later this past weekend, here's my list of what not to do when creating a sequel to a good movie:
1. DO NOT give the camera to a seizure-prone elderly woman whenever you want a handheld shot. Despite what many directors seem to think, "nauseatingly shaky" doesn't equal "gritty."
2. DO NOT dumb down the sequel. If the first film was fairly believable (which, despite the whole zombie thing, 28 Days Later was), don't ruin it by making a sequel in which ridiculous and unbelievable things happen all the time. ("Oh crap! We never suspected the zombies would find the back door!", etc.) Also, DO NOT break the rules of your world. In the first film, the Infected came to have certain predictable behavior. We expect to see that in the sequel, and in at least one incredibly distracting instance (I won't spoil it for you, in case you still want to see the movie), the established rules are completely broken. Don't get me wrong--a sequel should do something new, but this isn't it.
3. DO NOT write a story that isn't anchored to any of your characters. We didn't really know whose story this was until the story was over. The whole experience felt like the first 30 minutes of a movie, stretched out to fill 90 minutes.
4. DO NOT waver between "decent movie" and "complete crap movie." Be bad enough that I can laugh out loud at you, or good enough that I don't feel like I wasted my money. This in-between business doesn't work for me.

I gave this a 6/10 (IMDb average: 7.9/10).

For those who've played disc golf on the KSU campus, you know how impossible this is. For those who haven't, you'll just have to trust me.

Someone's a little overconfident.

Happy Birthday, Netty!

In honor of my wife's b-day, I made this stunning video (with stunningly bad compression, but oh well):

Muffin Wars: Episode 1

I made this today. It took about 30 minutes, which, now that I look at it, seems like way too long. :)

Call of Duty

Ok. I just played Call of Duty on the PC using the Wiimote, nunchuk, and a candle, and it's freaking awesome. It works just as well as the Wii version of CoD. I am infinitely pleased.

[Update: I just downloaded the "wiinsaber" script. It's stupid fun, and does just what you'd guess. Get it here.]

Enter the Wii-puting age

For some reason it never occurred to me that the innovative and fun Wiimote uses Bluetooth for its wirelessness. Most companies are, let's face it, evil (Sony). They insist on using proprietary technology that's not compatible with anything. But not Nintendo. The Wiimote uses Bluetooth and good ol' IR. So I shouldn't have been surprised to find that there's a growing community of users finding ways to use the Wiimote on the PC.

I don't need to tell you that there's a lot of potential in that idea. Replacing the mouse in FPS games, making homebrew PC games using the Wiimote, etc, etc. I've started playing around with it, and even though it's still a little rough, it's also pretty spiffy. Here's how to get started:

1. You need Bluetooth. If your compy has it, great. If not, buy a USB adapter. I got the Kensington 33348 for $30 at Best Buy, but here's the complete list of compatible devices. Install the drivers from the included CD.

2. Download GlovePIE. This program runs all the Wiimote scripts. It comes with quite a few prewritten scripts, and new ones are fairly easy to write (I'm still learning).

3. Get your Wiimote connected. This can be tricky. You have to hit buttons 1 and 2, just like you do to connect to the Wii, but the controller only stays in "search mode" for a few seconds, so you'll have to keep hitting them until your Bluetooth program finds it (it's called Nintendo RVL-CNT). Connect to it as a human input device (HID).

4. Run GlovePIE. File-->open-->testWiimote.pie. Once the script is loaded, hit "Run." If the numbers in the white box change when you move the Wiimote, it's working fine. Now click File-->open-->Wiimote Scripts and find a script that interests you.
So far, I've played with WiiDrums and Wiiitar, which are both pretty fun, and I now regularly use the Windows Media Player script so's I can have a remote control for my media (Note: the volume controls in that script are messed up. Change "Wiimote.Left" to F8 and "Wiimote.Right" to F9. You'll get what I mean once you see it.) If you want to run any scripts that use the IR features (like the pointer/FPS scripts) you'll need an IR source. Until I can work up something with IR LEDs, I've been using a candle, which isn't perfect, but works ok.

If you mess around with this, let me know how it goes for you, and if I come up with any fun scripts, I'll post 'em here. Happy Wiiputing!

A disc golf vista.

Remakes and adaptations and sequels, oh my!

The last two movies I saw?
300-- adapted from a graphic novel
TMNT-- a remake from the original animated series and/or the comic book

Movies I'm looking forward to?
Transformers--obviously adapted from the old animated series
Pirates 3-- end of the trilogy
Indiana Jones 4-- noticing a trend yet?
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time-- adaptation from an excellent game
Hitman-- another game adaptation
Get Smart-- adaptation of an old TV show I don't care about, but starring Steve Carell, which interests me
Die Hard 4-- probably not something I'd pay theater money for, but definitely Netflixable

And these are just the ones that immediately come to mind. There are probably a lot more that I can't remember. (not to mention all the ones I don't care about--the recent Rocky Balboa, for instance.)

This certainly isn't a new trend, but it's starting to bother me. Don't get me wrong. I'll more than likely enjoy all of these movies. But not every movie I see has to be part of a giant franchise with sequels and games and freaking coloring books. Excellent movies that stand on their own do still happen--The Prestige is a recent one that comes to mind. We need more movies where the majority of the money and the creative energy goes into the movie itself, rather than this incessant franchise-building.

Sometimes, remakes do this well--both 300 and Sin City tried to translate Frank Miller's artistic vision to a new medium, and they both did such an amazing job that the adaptations were justified as more than just money-making ventures for the studios. Transformers, though? Michael Bay has no vision. He's just out to make some serious bank, as always. (That won't stop me from seeing it, though. A giant-robots-fighting-each-other-and-smashing-stuff movie is, after all, a giant-robots-fighting-each-other-and-smashing-stuff movie. Still, I hope I've made my point here.)

Right now I can only think of two films I'm looking forward to that aren't part of an existing franchise: Hot Fuzz and Stardust (which is going to blow my mind).  There are probably a few others, but I need more.

It's about time

For many years now, I've been waiting for a DVD release of Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet. It is, quite simply, the best version of the play I've ever seen on film. I mean, look at this cast: Kenneth Branagh, Derek Jacobi, Julie Christie, Kate Winslet, Robin Williams, Billy Crystal, Gérard Depardieu, Charlton Hesston, Jack Lemmon, Richard Attenborough...some of these are pretty small parts, but seriously. All of those great actors in my favorite Shakespeare play, and no DVD? Hondo, the Imaginary God of Mischief is clearly at work here.

Well, Hondo, I stab at thy heart! Warner is releasing a 10th anniversary edition that should be out by the end of this summer. It's about time.

[A bit of Me and Aaron trivia: back in the day, we started rotoscoping the duel at the end of this film, between Hamlet and Laertes, giving them lightsabers instead of swords. Why? Because we're awesome. It was a pain, too, since we had to capture the footage from crappy VHS. 'Twas a worthy pursuit, but we only got about six seconds of film rotoscoped before the tedium got to us. Any idea where that footage is, Aaron?]

Wounded

My disc didn't come out of the ordeal without a few scars (and shards of light globe embedded in it).  The disc and I both agree: it was totally worth it.

Justice is served.

That light'll think twice before dissin' my disc golf crew again.

I'm all a-Twitter

File this one under "Not exactly new, but new to me."

Twitter is a system designed to let the world know what you're doing at any given moment, through IM, SMS or via the website. It's the kind of thing that would normally elicit a "Hm. That's cool I guess" from me before I moved on. But it occurs to me that there are lots of little updates that never make it to my blog simply because I don't want to clutter up my front page. Via Twitter's nifty flash badge, I can now put them on my sidebar. The system is meant as a social networking thing, since you can have it send you updates via IM or SMS about what your friends are doing. That part doesn't interest me so much, but the idea of mini-posts from my phone does.

Things

Ok, I know my sidebar's looking like a freaking LameSpace page, but it's temporary. I just found some cool toys and I'm too tired to mess with them any more tonight. So for now, they stay. (Try the chat-a-ma-thing...sometimes it works, sometimes not....it's in beta.)
[Update: I took down the chat-a-ma-thing. It's a neat idea, but it doesn't work reliably enough. Maybe they'll work out the bugs soon.]

Art!

It feels like trading brains with an imbecile, for real.

So Incubus just happened to say into my ear, and I think they're right.  Watching "Lady in the Water" is like trading brains with an imbecile.  An imbecile that thought this might be a good movie.  It is not good, and I'm glad to have my own brain back to tell me so.  

The conversation I had with this movie went something like this (This is basically an outline of the whole movie.  So this is your "spoiler alert," though I don't think it's possible to spoil this movie.):

Movie: Hey wouldn't it be cool if an Asian myth came to life in a modern apartment complex?

Me:  Yes, in theory, that would be cool.  Please continue.

Movie:  Ok, so there's this 'water spirit' chick who lives in an underwater room at the bottom of the pool.  The landlord guy finds her and she lives in his apartment for a while and doesn't wear pants.

Me:  Um...I--well, ok.  Go on.

Movie:  So this water girl needs to find this writer who's going to write a book that'll change the world.  Oh, and this writer is actually played by the director of the movie.

Me:  That's annoying.  So why does she need to find him?  Sounds like he's doing just fine.

Movie:  I don't know.  She just does.  Anyway, once she finds him she has to get home, back to the water.  Except there's this grass-wolf that lives outside and he's going to try to kill her when she comes back to the pool.  Normally he wouldn't be able to, because the justice-monkeys won't allow it, but this time he doesn't care because the water girl is really a water queen.  She just doesn't know it.

Me:  I see.  Sounds like quite the dilemma.

Movie:  Oh, it is, it is.  Luckily, there's this old Chinese lady who knows about the myth and her daughter translates for the landlord and he figures out that he needs some pot smokers and a guy who likes crossword puzzles to get the water girl back to the pool.

Me:  Um...you're losing me here.

Movie:  But wait!  There's a guy who only works out one side of his body so he has a huge arm and a huge leg and he's the guardian and as long as he stares at the grass-wolf-thing  it can't move and then the eagle comes and--

Me:  Ok, that's enough.

Movie:  But what about the Mexican sisters and the...the film critic gets eaten, and the--

Me:  I said that's enough.  Just stop it.


So, yeah.  I wouldn't recommend that movie to anyone.

300

It's a decent number. Some have called it The Greatest Number (though they were quickly silenced by the 301 Boyz). More importantly, however, it's the name of the film I saw yesterday afternoon. The film that I'd been looking forward to for nigh on six months. The film based on Frank Miller's graphic novel, which is a highly stylized version of the historical Battle of Thermopylae. Yes, that film.

So, after all the waiting, did I love it? Mayhap. In terms of visual presentation, it was superb. The backgrounds, the soldiers, the blood--everything looked like it had been painted. No, not painted. Inked. Especially the blood, and there was lots of it. The Spartans didn't wear armor in this movie, so when they got spear'd or arrow'd or sword'd, you saw the blade go in one side and out the other, in graphic detail. As Netty pointed out, though, the deliberate, dance-like choreography of the fights often took your attention away from the copious amounts of blood. The swinging of the sword and shield tended to be more visually captivating than the gutting and dismemberment. And then there was Xerxes, the Persian "god-king," who was portrayed as some kind of weird sexually-deviant giant. I dug it, if only because I've never seen a 'bad guy' quite like him (though I did get a bit of a Ra vibe from him, a la Stargate--not that there's anything wrong with that).

And now, having said all that (and there's much more I could say here), I've decided that I did love it. In fact, I think I'd enjoy it more the second time around, since I know that...well, I won't spoil it for you. I'll put it this way: now that I know how the film handled the historical aspects of the story, which I was wondering about most of the way through, my second viewing could dismiss that and I could simply look at this film again. I may just do that.

At last...

...the universe is complete. Or at least my new gaming board is. I made it to play Star Wars Starship Battles on, and I'm quite pleased with the way it turned out. I may post more nonblurry pics later, but I just spent the last three hours finishing it up, and then I lost an hour to that damnable daylight savings conspiracy, so for now, I sleep.

I get along with HBO.

HBO is alright.  They've done good things for me.  Band of Brothers is the definitive WWII production.  Rome is, for lack of a better term, eximius.  And Curb Your Enthusiasm is generally pretty hilarious.  I never really got into that whole Sopranos thing, but whatever.  

My point in all of this blathering is that I'm hoping HBO will continue its trend of entertaining me with Preacher, which is finishing up its pilot right now.  It's a comic book, which is a strike against it considering the seemingly endless stream of poorly-adapted comic filth that's been running through theaters for the past few years (I'd list them, but you know the ones I mean).  Yet movies like Batman Begins, Sin City, and Hellboy have proven that it can be done right.  

And, come on.  Look at this description:

Preacher centers on a Texas holy man named Jesse Custer, who is possessed by a supernatural entity that is half angel and half demon. Given immense powers, Jesse sets out on a journey to find God—who has fled from heaven—and hold him accountable for his actions.  (SciFi Wire).

How can that not be good?  I mean, he's hunting God.  Do I have to spell out for you just how cool that is?  Do you need me to draw you a map to Awesome?  Because I could do it, and let me tell you: the path from here to Awesome leads right through God-hunting Preacher Land.

Ah, but there's a catch.  Of course.  The guy doing it is the guy who just finished Ghost Rider.  Now, I admit there's not much I can say about that movie, having not seen it, but it looks like it's a guy with his head on fire, riding a motorcycle around for a couple of hours, and all the reviews I've read have pretty much confirmed that.

And so, we're back where we started on this little blogventure: HBO. They've done me proud in the past.  Let's just hope they've made the right choice here.

It's a hat!

So, I ordered a pita a while ago (through Campusfood.com), and I wanted a cookie with it. I specifically wanted chocolate chip, but in case they didn't have any, I added this note to the order:

"If you don't have chocolate chip, then surprise me (with another cookie, I mean. Not like a puppy, or anything--I'm not looking for a huge surprise.)."

And this is what I found in the bag when my order got here a few minutes ago:


Spiffy.

I don't smile a lot...

...but I did just now when I saw that The Empire Strikes Back is on HBO.  Seeing the original trilogy takes me back to the old days of watching them on the USA Network, back before I had my own copies.  Ah, memories.

For your consideration

 Japan said, "You know what's wrong with couches?  They're too comfortable."

Thus was born the futon.

Company of Heroes review'd!

[This was intended as a write-up for the "+ List" but it ended up being way too long, so I'm putting it here.]


For the first few minutes, this game basically looked like Dawn of War with a WWII reskin job (not surprising considering it's coming from the same duo as DoW: Relic develops, THQ publishes), but after playing through the single-player campaign, I've found that there's a lot more depth here: intelligent use of cover, completely destructable environments, three distinct advancement trees (Infantry, Airborne, or Armor), and the constant struggle to keep supply lines open. The ability to put up sandbags, razor wire, tank traps, and other defensive measures means that when you take a position, you can really dig in and hold it. At least that's how I play.

It also seems more true to life (and yes, I'm basing this off of my experiences in 'Nam)--you can't just waltz into the enemy camp and start shooting up the place. As fun as DoW is, success in that game does tend to boil down to developing your technology until you have tanks, and then just driving in and killing everything you see. CoH (yes, these acronyms get tedious, don't they?) does offer that option, if you want to use the Armor approach, but gives you more subtle options as well--I like sending in a couple of snipers to spot for me, and then blowing the bejeezus out of enemy positions with artillery strikes.  Subtle, like I said. 

Plus, it has all the obvious improvments--better graphics (by far--this game eats my compy's lunch at full settings), better AI, etc. The one thing it's missing is a cinematic mode (a la Empire at War) that lets you watch a battle after you give your orders. A game this pretty should really show itself off.

My score: 9.7/10

Will Write for Money

Specifically, I need $149,998.  Seriously, I'll write anything you want.  Just give me the money to buy this:



(As a side note, I will also play video games for money, if anyone's interested in that particular service.  I'm a jack of all asses--uh, I mean trades.)

I beat zelda! Wii!